First Year In Retrospect

It is so hard to believe we have hit the one year mark of Jeremiah and Tirzah being home. It's gone by extremely fast, but at the same time, we have lived SO much life together that it's hard to imagine life before. Even harder still to remember life with only two kids! Wow, has a lot changed!

Before they came home, I remember reading a well known blogger's recap of their first year as adoptive parents. She said it was the greatest, yet hardest year of her life. I remember thinking "really?" it can't be that hard! Well Oh boy, am I feeling sheepish now. I empathize her now and claim her phrase as my own. We have had so many victories and so many failures this year. But through the beauty and the pain, I can honestly say it was ALL for our good. I know the Lord is refining us all through being a family together. Jeremiah and Tirzah's adoption into this family has forever changed each one of us and the Lord is using us to form us into who He wants us to be.

Of the things I know now, that I didn't know then, this is the most important. Well two things actually, that work together...#1) Adopting Jeremiah and Tirzah was not only for their good and our pleasure, but for our good and HIS pleasure! and #2) Adoption is NOT a one time act of ministry. Just like parenting our natural born children, it is a day in and day out ministry to a child that GOD loves. Sadly, I've learned these amazingly impactfull lessons the hard way. Through a lot of ugly face offs with my own selfish nature and many days of sacrifice (begrudgingly at times).


I look at my two happy, healthy, vibrant Congo Kids and I barely recognize them from the videos of their first days home. They are two very different kids now. (Praise God, for the better!) While I know they had good care in Congo, there is nothing else that can top a child's need for a loving family. Birth culture is NOT more important. I cringe now when I hear that argument. Anyone who believes that has never seen a child's transformation after joining a loving family. The security of unconditional love, enables their personalities to blossom and their true God-given nature to unfold before your very eyes.

I often grieve the time we lost with them. Not only the two years we waited between our first visit to Congo and their homecoming, but also the early years of their life that we didn't have the privilege of being apart of. We didn't get to see their personalities slowly emerge in their infancy. How I wish I could have held them and bonded with them from the very beginning! But that is not our story. And while it's not what I would choose, I have to trust God's providence in choosing it to be this way.

Adopting an older child has it's unique challenges. They come to your family with history and a past that has shaped their worldview. (Often including major language barriers!) Some of which needs healing and reprogramming (behaviorally). Creating a new 'reality' for them is not easy or quick. I can look back at the past year and see major mile stones in our progress. Even as recent as this past week! One thing I wish I had more fully understood was that 'attachment' isn't a single event that you're working towards. You don't just wake up one day and everyone is attached in a healthy way. It's a slow hike with plateaus and steep peaks to climb. There are days when you think you've 'arrived' and days when you despair that you just took 20 steps backwards!

I desire to recount our experience up to this point for several reasons. First, for my own sake, to reminisce later on down the road and again praise His name for all He has done. Second, for Jeremiah and Tirzah's sake, that they may one day be able to see their story through our eyes. Third, for all my kids, who presently claim they all want to adopt kids into their family one day (I don't want to be that absent minded grandparent who makes everything sound so rosie and easy!) Fourth, for my friends who are in the process of, wanting to, or already have adopted. This is a journey best shared with others. Being able to celebrate the victories and empathize through the challenges with one another is the best encouragement and support we can give others as they fulfill God's calling to adopt.


What I would do differently:

I would give myself more grace. I would have reminded myself daily that we added 3 kids to our family in 4 months and that is HUGE! It's not something you can or should just adjust to in a matter of months. I'm only recently fully accepting this and embracing the notion that I should expect it to take as many years to adjust, as Jeremiah and Tirzah lived apart from us (3-4 years).

I would give my kids more grace, particularly Jeremiah and Tirzah and my expectations of what I think they should  understand as right or wrong. Just because they can communicate it back with you, doesn't mean they know it yet. They still default to their former "reality" and survivor skills at times and I wish I would have been more in tune with this and not seen their behavior problems as just disobedience. Again, this one I only recently coming to grips with as well.

I would have cared less about how others thought we were doing. I just didn't need that extra artificial stress in my life. There was enough real stress as it is.

I am not sure how I would have done it (given our life circumstances living overseas and in a new city), but I would have made date night a regular concrete-fixed event in our schedule. It's just SO important for the WHOLE family!

What I think we did do well (only by God's grace and gifts of wisdom):

While I would change the things listed above, I wouldn't change any of the major circumstances we had this year, even though several would be considered big "no, no's" according to the adoption books. Like, taking them for a bazillion blood draws, vaccines, dental checks, and having surgery within the first two months home. OR, just as they are adjusting to life in America, uprooting them and moving to yet another foreign country after only 2 months home. (And communication is still a very real challenge!) It is ONLY by God's abundant grace that those big "no,no's" went so favorably and didn't seem to harm their adjustment period. And maybe even because of it, they are very typical TCK's (third culture kids) in that they make friends easily, are adventurous, and easily adaptable! But seriously, what were we thinking?!?!?!

A real gift in our circumstances of their arrival home, was the two months we had in the US before heading back to India. We had the unique blessing of having both parents home with all the kids, everyday! That was truly paramount in ability to bond as a family. When those two months were up and we left for India, we were all in a really good place. Jeremiah and Tirzah had learned SO much English in those two months. It put us to shame! They learned more English in 2 months than I did of Marathi in my first 3 years in India. Again, by God's abundant grace!

Even when it's been really tough to do so, we've always tried to make things as fair and equal as possible, between our big four. With everything...treats, toys, privileges, responsibilities around the house (again, we do account for age and ability). But the consistency has positively effected sibling relationships and in effect, made life easier on us as parents. We are a big family. So we totally play up the "team Klein" analogy and everybody is a member with responsibilities and roles to play.

I love the relationship our kids have with one another. While there are some conflicting personalities (two are too much alike ;) they all have unique bonds with one another and are each other's best buddies. I am so grateful for this and pray they remain close their whole lives! They are all very good at caring for Deacon and he adores them all. Deacon is never short on attention and affection!

Here are a few highlights of our first year together. Through the pictures, you can see how much they have all grown and their personalities have blossomed, but especially Jeremiah and Tirzah. They are in descending-ish order (most recent, to older).

Celebrating their first holi in India, March 2016

Domestication of adoption completed in March 2016! Just had to include this one because it's pretty awesome!

First Snow experience and cousin fun in Dubai, January 2016.

First Christmas together started a new tradition of acting out the Christmas story. All we need is some livestock which could be easily arranged next year :) 

Exploring the old part of our city and enjoying some Irani chai. December 2015

Found an elephant and our brave girl was the only one to climb up! December 2015

First Christmas card together was a winner-just had to include it as it was very memorable!

Our bashful boy didn't love the attention but loved the toys and friends at his first birthday party. Happy 5 years Jeremiah Thomas!

Off to school with these two! October 2015

Birthday girl LOVED her first party ever! Everything was Sophia the First!

First rickshaw ride every- with Grandpa John in September 2015

Big brother teaching Tirzah to swim- September 2015

Swimming is the best! Man has she grown crazy fast this year!



Our minons having a ball in Thailand!

Ready for the first time to the beach! 

After only one week in India...we headed to Thailand! World travelers in the making.

Jet lag is no joke!

First arrived in India, June 2015 and first chai! Jeremiah loved it!

India--Here we come!!

Freshly cropped and feeling fine! May 2015

Their heights have drastically changed in one year!

First Easter April, 2015

Sweet big brother loving on his baby in June 2015 at Grandpa's house.

Sweet bonding time in Carlsbad. So thankful for that time.

Learned English through music! Loved listening to 10,000 Reasons by Matt Redman on my phone, over and over again!

First time swimming ever! In El Paso, May 2015. 

Loving the water!

First cupcake at Hudson's birthday party April 2015.

Jet lagging girl & a happy mamma

Welcome home forever! April 2, 2015! 

Trip home to America with Daddy and Nanna CoCo

Do You Believe in Miracles?

I have always claimed to, but in my heart I often doubted that they still exist today. I could accept that God healed people of their illnesses but assumed He usually did that through modern medicine. I had a lot to learn on the subject and still do. The more I walk with the Lord, the more I realize how much I have to learn. If Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life, then I need to draw more closely to Him to have these things revealed to me more fully. To our displeasure, the path to closeness with the Lord is often found deep in arduous valley. It’s never an easy road, yet that is the very reason we are forced to step out of the trivial concerns of our day to day life and into matters of eternity. It’s there that we find total dependence on the one who is able to meet our deepest desires, comfort our hurts, and while doing so, give us a glimpse of His glory. It’s that ‘hope of glory’ that keeps us pressing on, choosing day in and day out to trust Him and trust that His plans for us are good. And when the valley is longer and deeper than we imagined it would be, he gives us little glimpses along the way to give us the endurance we need to press on.

Those little glimpses and reassurances of His love for us and His power are what kept me going during the last three years of adopting Jeremiah and Tirzah into our family. The hope He gave me did not disappoint (Rom. 5:5). 5 months after their arrival home, I am still in awe of His goodness and the miracles He did to get them home. I could list out a ton of miracles He performed throughout this process- some seemingly small, some big- and I am not even aware of them all. He gave us knowledge of some of them so we could see how He does work all things together for the good of those who love Him. He gave us just what  we needed so we could keep pressing on in those dark hours when all hope seemed lost. When we were at our darkest hours, He spoke clearly to us through the word, through a friend’s prayers over us, through seemingly coincidental connections with people that turned out to be providential. The Spirit of God reached down to us and met our deepest needs, while teaching us to walk in faith and trust.

If I had my prayers answered right away and things had worked out in my timing, I would not know to the fullness that I know now, the peace that comes from walking by faith and not by sight. I would not yet have the confidence I have in my God who is able to do far more abundantly all that I can imagine. He allowed this mountain in my life to teach me that He can move any mountain that comes in the future. My hope and confidence are firmly in Him now. While accomplishing much in us while we waited upon the Lord to complete that which He called us to, I am confident He was doing a work in our kids hearts and lives. The fruit of that has yet to be revealed to us, but because we are assured in His sovereignty over the circumstances, we can trust Him in this.

It’s truly miraculous how He answered our prayers for our children while they waited to come home. The more we get to know them and can ask about their life in Congo, we are amazed at how God cared for them. Not to minimize the hardships they have faced, but God spared them from much and has tremendously blessed their transition into our family. Adopting older kids can be tough. Right before they came home, I was reading a book about the issues kids and parents can face and had to put it down because it was causing me to fear the “what if’s.” I knew it would be a tough transition for us all, going from a family with 2 kids to 5 in such a short time span, but I knew we would be facing unknown challenges stemming from the hurt and experiences our newest two family members had endured.

The first few days were surreal and overwhelming. We were all facing so many emotions: Pure shock, joy, and thankfulness that they were finally home, mixed with uncertainties on how we were going to survive, much less communicate, bond and teach our kids basic things like how to use toilet paper. Our kids have amazing personalities. They are fun, silly, full of joy and were obviously ecstatic to be home. 

But they still had just gone through a major life changing ordeal and were grieving their former life and friends. There were a lot of tears and some major tantrums along the way. Not knowing how to communicate, we just held them and let them cry. We tried to correct gently and discourage the little behavior that was not acceptable. Day by day, the tantrums became less frequent, the communication ability increased, and the bonds grew. For me, one child bonded instantly to me (we had spent time together on previous visits as well) and the other I had to seriously work for. Even in this, the Lord has taught me a lot. Earning their trust and seeing their walls come down so quickly has been priceless. 

We quickly learned to speak enough Lingala to communicate the basics and they were eager learners who picked up English amazingly fast. Reassuring them of our return anytime one of us needed to go somewhere, was a daily necessity. You could see the fear well up in their faces as soon as one of us began gathering our stuff to go. Twice, we had to leave them after visiting in Congo. While I know how hard it was for us, I can only imagine how they felt.

Each day was like a baby step of progress until we knew it, 2 months had passed and we were readying ourselves to make another big transition to move to India. Just a little over two months after being home and we were amazed at how well adjusted everyone was. It was hard to imagine life before we were all together. I know this was greatly in part to the Lord's grace and timing in allowing them to come home while we were still in the US. Having us both home all day every day, made the transition so much smoother. God is so good. His plans and ways are good. His mercies are new every morning. His grace is sufficient. I know these truths intimately and read them with a new affirmation that comes from deep within because He allowed me to walk through that dark valley. But never alone. He was always with me.

2nd Congo Trip-Worth a Long Blog Post!

I need to reflect on the last few weeks and record all that has transpired. Partly because it’s awesome stuff that I don’t want to forget, but more importantly, because I need to give God the glory and praise He is due! I just got back from Congo for the second time, yesterday. And I have a big Remembrance Stone to set in the ground and talk about!

For months, we have been talking about making another trip to Congo, to visit our kids and hopefully to file our i600 at the US Embassy in Kinshasa, because the processing time there is potentially months speedier than filing in the US. We had just been waiting to have all our documents in order so we could plan the trip. These past 14 months of waiting to be able to file our i600 have been very difficult. It’s so hard to wait, but it’s especially hard when you aren’t making progress during the wait. It feels like the days you could be having with your children are being ripped from you. The months of not really knowing how they are doing frequently tempted me to fear and worry. But through this very difficult season, God has been so good. He has encouraged me on my darkest days when joy was hard to find, given me hope when I was tempted to fear the worst-case-scenarios, and taught me to trust Him, when circumstances around me are looking their grimmest.

While we waited and waited, our agency decided to shut down. This threw us another curve ball in the form of two months of just praying and trying to figure how to proceed with an independent adoption. We made a leap of faith and chose to stick with our attorney that our former agency had been using. Within days of choosing to do so, the Lord gave us peace and confirmation through His word, and other believers, that we should “stay the course” and trust Him to finish this. We also have been greatly blessed by the man who is now running our children’s orphanage. We have had better communication, more clear advice and direction, and increased assurance of how our kids are actually doing, than we ever had with our former agency. He has been a tremendous blessing to the children under his care, and to us as he has been the middle-man in all our communications with our attorney, out of the goodness of his heart and love for the kids.

After deciding to stay the course, we also decided we needed to make a trip as soon as possible. We are headed back to the US for 6 months in November and have a crazy busy schedule up until we go…but we carved out a week that we could both go to Congo and prayed everything would fall into place to make it possible. We were able to get our invitation letter from the Congo (kind of a miracle mailing something from there to India and getting it on time J ) and Kit flew up and back to Delhi to get our visas on the last possible day he could go before the trip. The week before we left, I randomly met another adoptive mom on FB whom we share a very good mutual friend with and found out they were arriving in Kinshasa the same exact day to visit their child and file their i600! This news encouraged my heart so much! Our God not only provides what we need, but He blesses far beyond all that we can imagine. But the God-designed appointments didn’t stop there.

Our sweet friends who live in a nearby city offered to take care of our boys while we were gone. It’s tough to leave your kids for 6 days, but especially when you live in a foreign country and are traveling a continent away! We were so grateful as we love and trust them so much. We knew the kids would have a blast and this made both of us going, so much easier. We arrived on a Monday afternoon and the plan was for the kids to come to us and stay with us for three days. We would meet with the attorney during that time frame and see the status of all our paperwork (we honestly didn’t know what he even had in his possession). Well, no one showed up for a while and we began to worry. But that wonderful man who runs our kids orphanage, he let us know they would be arriving that evening to meet with us. The kids didn’t come with, which worried me at first, but it ended up being a great meeting. Our attorney had ALL of our court documents, and while several of them had some errors, he was certain he could get them corrected and translated in time for us to file our i600 that week! We were hopeful and excited! Our kids came the next morning and we all walked across the road to the Embassy. We didn’t have an appointment to file (which you need in advance J)  but were hopeful they would squeeze us in sometime during the week. Unfortunately they couldn’t get us in until the following Monday morning and we were scheduled to leave on Friday at noon. So we decided to set the appointment and wait to change our tickets after we were sure we had everything in order to file. To file your I600 in country is a series of applications, court documents to prove your child is an orphan by US law, that our adoption has been finalized in Congolese courts, and a bunch of other things like birth certificates and marriage license, etc. It’s a LOT of paperwork and while we had a good idea of what we needed to supply, we had a lot of questions and confusion to go with it.

The couple we met, who arrived the same day to meet their child and file their i600, was not only great company, but a big help to us too. They filed their i600 and not only told us how it went, but offered us a very detailed checklist to go off of. Their agency’s Congo program director also arrived that day and not only knows her way backwards and forwards through this process, but freely gave us lots of helpful advice and answered all our questions! As each ‘coincidence’ unfolded, I was assured that our planning our trip this particular week was God’s perfect timing and that He was with us!

While our kids didn’t end up getting to stay the nights with us while I was there, they came each morning and spent the day with us until about 8pm. They were incredibly shy around others in the beginning, but as soon as we got in our room, they began to jabber away with each other and to us in Lingala and their lively personalities came out. We were so happy with how at ease they were with us in privacy. We played, colored (their first time to hold crayons), did puzzles, read books (they are great at mimicking and I’m sure will learn English so quickly!), and played a lot of football and Frisbee outside. They quickly figured out which bag was “theirs” and every time we went back into our room that first day, Tirzah tried on a new outfit! She is a girly girl for sure! Jeremiah LOVES soccer and is impressively skilled for his age. That’s not just a mamma talking! He and his “Papa” really bonded over soccer. They also called us Mamma and Pappa right away! They loved looking at the picture book we brought to show them pictures from our last trip and of their brothers. Each night was hard to say goodbye and as we did, we could see them get very reserved again and timid. I’m sure, even with all the explaining, it’s a confusing situation for them. But my biggest hope for this trip was that J & T would feel loved and have hope and assurance that we ARE coming back for them!

Another awesome God-incidence was in meeting three other adoptive parents who were just passing through for two days, on their way back from visiting their kids in a more remote area of Congo. They were a blessing to talk with and story swap. There is a lot of comfort found in knowing you are not alone in the hardship you’re going through. One of these parents is a pediatrician and offered to examine our kids! Besides a few minor things, she said they were in very good health! This report and seeing the well-fed kids at their orphanage were very reassuring. They are being well cared for while we all wait and seeing that with my own eyes gave me some peace in my heart. Even while we are so far, God is watching over them, answering our constant prayers for their wellbeing!

Thursday afternoon we met again with our attorney, who had ALL of our documents corrected! We needed a few more things translated, but had until Monday to get it done, so we decided Kit would stay and I would return back to India as originally planned. Getting his ticket changed wasn’t fast, but ended up being very reasonable. I had a good trip back and a great reunion with my boys! They had an awesome week with their friends but were ready to come home. We’ve been just lounging around enjoying our time together and the boys were able to skype with their brother and sister to “meet” for the first time! J and J pretty much made funny faces at each other the whole time. They are going to have a lot of fun together!

Jeremiah and Tirzah have been able to spend the weekend with Kit and enjoy some extra time with their Papa. I have to say of my husband, he is one amazing guy! I mean, obviously I already know this, but this past week he was so awesome with the kids, with the attorneys, getting our documents all in order and forms filled out (sometimes repeatedly), changing his work schedule around so he could stay a few more days, and now even taking care of the kids day and night on his own (this is no easy job especially when you can’t speak the same language as your kids!) I could NOT have done this trip alone and got anything accomplished. I am forever grateful for this man and more in love with him after this week than ever! I am sure he will have his own stories to write about and share after this weekend J

Tomorrow morning, Monday, is the big day in which he will file our i600 for our kids! I seriously can’t believe it is even possible, but like I said, only our God can “work all things together for our good”, and “do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or imagine!” So while I am a little nervous about what tomorrow brings, I know He has clearly led us to this day and event and I trust that He will continue to lead us every step of the way. The last couple weeks have affirmed again, what He has continued to affirm for the last 2 ½ years of this adoption process. He put this desire in our hearts, He has planned for J & T to be adopted into our family, and He will see this through! Please pray for a smooth and favorable filing appointment tomorrow. Please pray the Congolese immigration begins issuing exit letters for US adopted children miraculously soon! And for the hundreds of families who are like us, so desirous to see an end to this long adoption process and the beginning of a life with our children at home, in loving families!